The following is the musings of different writing sessions on basically the same concept. Though they do not flow together they are here, for the time being, until I tease them apart and make them into two. For those who should find their way here in it's un-edited state, enjoy what you find, and check back for two much more finished versions. Blessings
There are times where we need to draw the lines, to test the limits- to define them, in order to create our without and within, our inner and outer worlds, emotionally and physically. At these times, we may find that we are dis-satisfied with life and it may appear that we are swimming in a sea that seems undefined or chaotic. We may find that we are swimming against the tides of the unknown, upstream and far away from our greatest hearts desires. We may come to this conclusion when we become reflective of our outer circumstances or what appears to be or not be, of the reflection of our outer world and what it is mirroring back to us. We may become dismayed, disillusioned, or even depressed by what we do (or do not) see. We may long for things (on a very deep level) that have not yet arrived within our lives or for things we have never felt have been given us or arisen within our world ( needs not met). We may linger too close to familiar longings (old, sometimes ancient stories and alga-rythms that we carry within our genes). And we may over-identify with the mourning of desires un-quenched and of needs not met on very distinct levels. We may find ourselves in dismay or disarray because perhaps life is not shoring up to what we had assigned would be the prescription for our fulfillment or for our desired course. And if you have found yourself in these spaces, it can be all too easy to dig deeper into the groove of emotions, into the feelings of loss, or abandonment, or un-quenched needs- creating a stronger pattern for more of the same to come. So what's the way out, the way up?
There are many choices that we can make when we find ourselves here, though it may not seem so at the time. When we are stuck in these rythms, familiar as they are, no matter how uncomfortable, no matter how deep the pain, we tend to react in the same manner that we always have (which unfortunately forbids us from finding our way out of them). But there are in fact a lot of avenues that we could conquest within this horizon, within this jumble of feelings that we've carried for oh so long, these deep and penetrating emotions that stop our hearts from beating and scream at us to pay them heed. And even when we know, when we have come far enough on our paths to have discovered or learned that stopping too long at these intersections of soul, or visiting them too deeply can impair our growth and impede our happiness, when we don't know how to go beyond we tend to just roll with the anxious (and at the root, angry) tides that are churning within.
We can find power by acknowledging, beyond our emotional state that wants to be identified with and patronized, that giving ourselves too completely over to the loss and fear and pain can override our knowing of Truth and our deeper sense of faith. It plugs us in to the doubt and the pits of loss and grief and longing that permeate the rivers of lack and longing. At these times, when we meet these crossroads and revisit the un-quenched layers of our soul and the notions of what ought and not ought to be that circle the rhythm of what we believe life need be, we can assert our power and become proactive and even affirmative rather than submit to the hollowed out feelings of not being satisfied and satiated. We can assert our powers of responsibility and maturity as we grow into a place that says 'define what you want through exacting a course of action. Action moves beyond emotion. Emotions are fluid, and you can get carried away with them. Action is a rock, a place to build on, stand tall upon; a place to become solid. You have the power to act. And action may be as simple as making a choice, or a decision, to do it a different way. When you've decided that you've had enough, that you've reached your limit, with a situation, with a jarring emotional would, with a storyline that's keeping you in the basement of your life- get up off the floor and choose how you are going to move to the next solid place so that you can begin to build the life that whispers your most intimate dream.
Recognize that you are the one in charge, and everything that is layed out before you and that is rattling within you is deigned to gear you up to move to the next thing. Life is fluid. It is flow, ever-changing, constantly moving, non-stop transformation ( which always implies transmutation). When you are feeling deeply, when you are flooded by your emotions, and when you find yourself becoming those deeply painful feelings that you feel, become the nurturing mother that listens with compassion, undersanding the source of the pain, and then nurtures into the transition of moving beyond it. I'm not talking bandaid, I'm talking resolution. At this time of the year, which constitutes planting resolutions, become resolute, become pro-active, become the warrior that bears the wound but allows it to become part of his medicine pouch, part of his soul that further outlines rather than undermines his becoming into the brightness of his being.
If you've ever had to give an ultimatum in order to create solidity in your life, or weed out what you can or will no longer tolerate, then perhaps you came to understand that though this may have seemed like an aggressive way of defining your limits, you were attempting to create a boundary. This time that we are in, as we are stepping into mastery, as we are fulfilling the roles of warrior-ship that were bestowed upon us before coming into form, is about discovering (re-learning/remembering) how to acheive the balance of beoming solid and remaining fluid. Within this 'lesson' that is so multifascited, are powerful opportunities for us to explore who we've played ourselves out to be so far, and who we, in fact, at the ultimate and eternal levels are. And as we are being tested and prompted to move forward, to move on with it, and get all of our ducks in order and create the space and the platform for our highest purpose to now unfold, we are being shown ( and not in any way sutle examples) where we need to shore up. And if you feel into this, what these times are teaching us, what our minds are directing us towards, and what our emotions are spelling- this is about learning where to soften ( become flow, trust, and hand over our lives in faith to the Universal Knowing), and where to become hard ( solid, defined, in dignity, in alignment and in alligance with Truth- with our Truth- to the degree that we will fight for it- that we will establish the perimeters that allow for it, and to the point where we are in service to it), And as we begin to understand, by paying attention to the lessons of our souls and giving way to the alchemy that is shaping us into out truer beings, as we begin to listen closer to the messages that are being whispered to us through our pain and through our wants, as well as the appearant with-holdings of what we desire- we can give over to this graduation period into adulthood, into maturity, into mastery, into creator-ship.
You can begin to transmute the stories that have held you prisoner and have impeded you from moving beyond a place of wounded-ness, victim-hood, and drama by stepping into a place of authority. When you look with eyes of wisdom, by going into a place of higher power, into the seat or the heart, of your highest self, you can see clearly the lesson that this pain and these stories were meant to tell you. Most of us are aware of our karma, of the deepest measures that we were meant to overcome, of the themes that we have played out repeatedly and relentlessly throughout lifetimes. Most of us are tired and ready to let go of them, yet when they come knowing on our doors again (always so seemingly unwelcome and unexpected) we find it hard to turn away from the grim reaping message that they want to deliver). And this is because instead of facing them, beyond fear, and coming to a place of resolve- once and for all- we become them, in total surrender, while all the while attempting to run away. We identify with them and claim them as ours, as something we must carry, must act out and must continue the legacy of this lifetime, most often our ancestry, and more often what we believe is ours to carry.
Part of the reason that we can't look, or don't see, these lessons or harbingers of peace, for what they are, is that we tend not to look at what's right in front of us. We're always focused on the one step ahead, or what's behind or underneath the thing that is presenting itself to us. We aren't looking for the good either, most often, we're just stumbling to survive, to get by, to make our way through. We are on survival mode. Or we have been for many, many generations anyhow. We have been functioning on such a lower level than creates a submission to a method of training that denotes suffering and struggle and strife. Are you aware of this in your own life? Do you recognize where or where or how this is so? This way of thinking, of being, turns us away from the connection, the deeper connectedness with others, with ourselves, and with God, that we most desire. It creates a seperate-ness in us that has carved deep, deep wounded-ness and longing. And it is this longing and wounded-ness that we are, at this time, seeking to repair. This wounded-ness, and these lessons about life that we have ascribed to have created a way of living that tells us that we must do it on our own, show no weakness, and swim through the rivers of humanness that are wrought with sorrow and pain. And we have, in faithfull surrender, we have submitted to these teaching. We have lived this pain. We have walked that talk. We have suffered and separated, and surrendered to a way that is not our own, though we have each one, on a very (inapropriately) intimate level. This is the fall from grace. This is the apple we have been feeding on for multiple generations and millenium.
Are we ready to stop? Are we ready to do it another way? Are we ready to set down the old testiment of misery and undermining of our heart's desire and testify to the strength of our highest being? Just as in the Garden, after they had bitten from the fruit ( or bought into the story, the illusions, the lie) we hide in our wounded-ness, ashamed that we ourselves have gone astray from the Word ( from the Truth) which lies, which is written within our souls. Hence the birth of shame. And so we hide. We hide in our sorrows, we hide in our pain. We hide from who we are, what we feel, what we've become. We hide from the Truth of who we are. And we suffer there, in that place of hiding, because we know we have left the garden. We know we have forsaken our hearts and our highest form of being. And when we dare to look at this sad truth, in all of its painful consequenses as they are reflected back to us through our pain or through our life circumstances, we find ourselves too often, in a state of overwhelm and despair. Because, we claim, we do not know our way back. We do not remember our way home to the Garden, to ourselves, to our God. And so we remain lost, until someone or something, or the divine whispers of our soul, guide us in the direction of light that will usher us into the reawakening of who we have always been.
Giving it Up and giving it over is not just about submission ( or at least not all of the time). In times where you find that you have held out and held on to giving over in order that Life could have its way with you and define your fate, you can become clear about what you want and announce that you will have this thing- that it is your focus, your desire- that your eyes are on this prize- that it is entitled to you, as a most worthy being or God's creation, and that therefore, you shall receive what it is that you are longing for, and in this you can open to the time span that you will allow for said desire to manifest within the present circumstances, (be it location, relationship, or what have you), but that if within this certain time frame, said desire is not acquired, you shall adjust your outer surrounding to better accommodate the fruition of your most desired states.
This does four things. It places you in the front seat, in the power place of your life, as you learn to step into a place of maturity and responsibility, taking ownership of your wants and needs, of your well being, and taking action for the acquirement of what you feel need be in order to attain a higher state of peace and happiness. Secondly, if you are able to step into a place of negotiation with the River of Life, and state that you are at peace with what is, as far as time frames and circumstances currently are, as you are placing trust in what is and what will be, and the eternal process of becoming, yet you are stating what areas are in need of improvement, of upgrade in order for your greatest desires and highest levels of potential to be acquired. Thirdly, or C, you are moving into a place of balancing allowing and directing. Perhaps, this is another way of saying that you are attuning your desired states of consciousness and being that are reflected and to some level affected by your life circumstances and surroundings, to reflect a state of assertion and peace. In this, you are coming to terms with the dissatisfaction and the grief that arises from needs unmet, from life un-lived, from potential unmet- you are acknowledging that your needs and wants are valid and that your intuition ( as ascribed through your wanderings of thought and the musings of emotion) are directing you towards what need evolve within your experience, however, simultaneously, and you are asserting and stating your 'demands' for a set of circumstances to evolve in order for more optimal outcomes to arise, yet you are allowing for the universal play of hands to roll out and bring to you in it's way, in its time what you are desiring though only to a limit.
You are setting limits and boundaries with the Universe, which is not a bad thing. Universal consciousness may be all knowing and all seeing, but you ARE universal knowing and consciousness too! And becoming conscious of what your soul desires, and needs, in order to flourish, and STATING those needs in no uncertain terms is proactive, productive, and an overall positive thing. It is a step in the direction that says that you are taking your power back, you are no longer just rolling with the ebb and flow of What Is so long as it is just washing you about on the sea of becoming. You are trusting in, rather than fighting the natural order of things, yet you are setting deadlines, in order for 'proof', fruition and manifestation to evolve and appear. You are stating your intention, and defining what you will allow. For we are beings of free will, and free will is not simply about sin or retracting from God or God's will, but about doing our part in creating our lives- shoring up in our side of the aspect of co-creation and filling suit with bringing forth what we see needs to be.
If this is not making sense, or seems like forced action or resistance to what is, perhaps we should look a little deeper and say that within this state of being, within the above mentioned state or form of creation is the understanding and the coming to peace with our dissatisfaction, with our longings, and with the ensuing grief that comes from needs and desires not met. When these emotions and wantings well up and we can go beyond and override the quell of bottoming out in them or getting washed up on the shore and distracted by them, and instead let them be sign points to where our soul is directing us, and acknowledging that they are in fact legitimate ( validating ourselves) while avoiding the victim or the martyr stance that sways us away from our direction as powerful beings and then create an action plan that involves a time frame, or a designated ultimatum for what is to flow out within a certain span of time, we are focusing on what we want and declaring what we will allow (and won't) in order for those things to happen.
This does not deny the genuine process of transformation and transmutation, the turning into gold, that the Universe, and ultimately our souls have in store for us, that may ( and most likely are) endured through hardship or suffering, or delayed gratification. This does not over-ride the fusing of the soul with the ego by distilling the 'childish' or impulsive needs ( or demands) of what we 'think' we need or want with what is, in actuality, for our highest good. This allows for trust, and places our faith in the process of who we are becoming, of the higher plan, of the highest good for all involved. It opens us more fully to understanding and accepting the Universal perspective of what need be. It gives us over to The Plan, more fully, by far, than would, say, protesting what is, or becoming stuck in self-pity or wallowing in despair. Yet, it steps us up to a role of leadership and responsibility for our lives, and embraces the deeper knowing that we do, in fact Know and trust in not only the Universal and Cosmic design for our Souls and our lives, but also in the guidance of our deepest yearnings, and the calling of our ever- more connection to soul.
in turn, this allows for deep cleansing and healing at a karmic and cosmic level, that washes away the recesses of our DNA that house resentment, bitterness, disregard for authority ( including the universal and our own as well as that of those in our lives that have taken for granted or taken advantage of our power). This process or individual transformation that we are speaking of, this upgrade and this shift in a way of being, and way of perceiving, elevates us to a level of co-creation that designates that we are in fact co-creator And co-commander of our Greater Plan.
Do you see? Do you understand this level of beingness that enables you to escape from the myriad and the mi-optic levels of disarray and disorder and raises you (vibrationally, emotionally, and psychically) far above the level that you have formerly operated from, and furthermore places you in a stance of creation where you are assigning direction for your desires and delegating to the Universe what need be, while co-operating with the All and the Goodness of the One to bring it to you at the exact perfect time. You dolling out deadlines is not dis-respectful toward a higher power. It is not denial, or pushing against what Is. It is jumping into the flow and becoming an active roll-player in the design of your life.
Setting boundaries is (a big) part of what you are here to do. It is part of the order of defining yourself and your life and your understanding of what is and what will be. It is within this context that we learn and establish what area and arena we have in which to move around. The more clear we become in our communications, and our expectations, as well as our understandings of what we need and what is acceptable, the more clear the outline of our lives become. You cannot have what you want so long as your perception of what you deserve or need is unclear. You cannot handle, and will not be granted, the responsibility, of your desired ideals, so long as you do not step up to the plate of responsibility within your own life Now, as it is within it's perimeters as they currently stand and unfold. So take action now, and resign to resign from reacting and ruminating in your circumstances because they are not reflecting what your truest hearts desires may be. Step up, and step over the victim hood of martyrdom that has kept you at hands length from your dreams. You are worthy, you are deserving, and what you feel is leading you towards what you need to ensue. If you do not yet know the way, or the how, to open the floodgates to what it is that you crave, then ask to be shown, or believe that you already know, but don't hand over your power to 'never' or to the despair of it all being a pipe dream. If you desire it, you ARE it. It behoves you, it benefits you greatly to pay mind to your intuition and to your emotions, so long as you are not overwrought by the message that you perceive they entail. Signpost. Message being delivered, prompting you to Do something, to take action, to listen and Decide how you will begin to move forward. Do not get stuck, be proactive, which means that you take in what is being said, or felt, or delivered, what is being imparted, and become empowered in yourself through the message (not by departing from it) to create what it is that your heart desires.
Emotions are messages from the heart. So often we get caught in the current of belief that we need dismiss our emotions, or at least the 'negative' ones in order to go higher, in order to raise our consciousness. But emotions that appear to be negative, are no more negative than are our circumstances or surrounds. It is all neutral, in reality, with different preambles, or sensations, with different appearances. And as soon as we can begin to relate to it as such and not assign it a label, or constrict ourselves and our impulses through restricting our ability to feel or respond to what our hearts and souls and lives are showing us, we can begin to let it all direct us so much more fully towards the direction that we actually want to go.
Assign 'not knowing' to your agenda, as you learn to walk through the doors of your soul and open to the opportunities that are calling to you to transform and to heal. We must let go of what we know and what we think we know, relinquish what we've been taught as well as the meanings that have been assigned to all things and become congruent with what our bodies and our souls, and most especially, our hearts are telling us IS. When we can learn to trust in this knowing, and confide with more confidence in our own truth and what our truth is telling us through the mediums of our emotions and our life circumstances, we can begin to move with more assurance and more ease through the impetuses that previously held us back and in rhythm with our own innate design.
Do you see how this can be undertaken by moving up the notch of becoming, of jumping with both feet and body in tow forward onto the bandwagon of our evolution by becoming aware of our power and coming into alignment with what our truth is telling us in each moment? Do you see how you have a responsibility to your further advancement in this body, in this lifetime, and that no one, not even the Universe, can do for you what you are meant to do for yourself? You must Decide for yourself what you Want to be so. You must become clear about what outcomes you truly feel will outweigh the multitude of those floating about and will ultimately be the best for the all involved. You must learn to trust in your soul and where and how it is guiding you in order to move forward in the direction that you seek. And to do that, you must first become excruciatingly honest with yourself, which, my friend, most absolutely includes and entails the levels that you allow yourself to sink, and the levels which you have not as of yet allowed yourself to rise.
Rewiring in the Underworld
Are you able to be observant of your emotions (to recognize and embrace them in neutrality) without becoming subservient ( feeling like you need to rescue or escape from them, or disown or deny them in some way or else you will fall prey to sinking too deeply into them in overidentification and be unable to effectively shift up your vibration). Do you fall prey to what you feel and Become those emotions rather than allow them to direct you as you remain neutralized to what you feel?
